Keep a dating journal.
Dating can be rigorous; especially when you want to be intentional. It might sound nice to flow with the vibe, but the end thereof might not give you what you seek.
Dating also has a good feeling it erupts in you, like an adventure, more so when you are attracted to this new person. You want to spend a lot of time with them, and sometimes you dismiss some inadequacies that should either be accepted or discussed or cause you to use the door.
One way to keep track of your feelings and concerns is to write them down. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mean you should have a book of wrongdoings; we are not petty like that. I’m talking about a book with actual concerns, those that you sense might be a problem in the future.
For example,
· He spends on a whim.
· She has a lackadaisical attitude towards hygiene
· You don’t feel heard a lot of times.
· They berate or insult the help.
· They don’t share the same values with you or are condescending about your values.
The above reasons might not be good enough to quit a new relationship because humans are dynamic and can be corrected; the problem arises when these issues are not discussed and given a resolution that fits both parties. Sometimes, you forget about them in the euphoria of the moment, only to be reminded when things start to fall apart.
In your journal, you can write
22–02–2020:
I don’t like how Jessica looked unkept today; I was slightly embarrassed to see her.
07–03–2020
I spoke to her about it. She doesn’t take too much care about her appearance because she doesn’t put a lot of value into it. She prefers to be a nice person than look like a nice person. I agree with her philosophy. She also promises to put in more effort but not go overboard. I’m okay with that.
Things that can guide:
- Don’t condemn; extend a little bit of grace. We are all flawed.
- Don’t sweep it under the carpet. If it is worthy of being pinned down, it should be discussed.
- Don’t forget to write the resolution, good or bad; write it down. You will need it in making important decisions. E.g., No financial discipline: you might not jump on the “joint account” wagon.
- Write the good stuff too. He did something that made your heart skip a beat, pen it down. It will remind you to be grateful and reaffirm your choice in the first place.
This is for relationships and not marriages.
A marriage is a different wagon. For better, for worse. I don’t know how ya’ll make it work, but God bless your souls.
But this might guide you before you commit.
Don’t take my word for it; I’m still figuring this out too. Get what works for you
